


The Doubts We Have (The Doubts We Ease)

by Lumelle



Series: Alpha, Beta, Gamma Radiation [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha Steve Rogers, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Omega Tony Stark, Possessive Behavior, Relationship Discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 01:09:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2753966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumelle/pseuds/Lumelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is convinced he is going to mess up this dating thing sooner or later. Steve eases his fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Doubts We Have (The Doubts We Ease)

**Author's Note:**

> **Please note** that due to the nature of Alpha/Beta/Omega, this fic contains references to/discussion of possessive behavior, mpreg, and bonding. Please read accordingly.

Tony woke up to the smell of an alpha on his pillow and knew he couldn't keep putting this off any longer.

Well, certainly he could, he was nothing if not a master of procrastination in anything that he really should have been doing, but even he was aware he couldn't just avoid the issue forever. Not when this was the reality, when he was waking up to the smell of Steve in his bed even after Steve himself had gone off on a run or whatever it was he did in the morning, when even in the quiet satisfaction of breathing deep the pleasant scent there was a small voice nagging at the back of his mind about how it couldn't last. He knew it was just his own thoughts, his own brilliant tendency for self-sabotage, but then those were even harder to ignore than the comments from the outside.

Not that there were many of those, actually. Even Pepper seemed to take an attitude of amused bafflement towards Tony's new direction in life, because she could be cruel like that and yet he adored her so. No, in general their team seemed to take the view that this new thing was good for both Tony and Steve, which was why they were going to be even more disappointed when Tony inevitably fucked it up.

Hey, just because it was his own internal voice warning him about it didn't mean it wouldn't happen.

Even so, he was generally aware that he was an adult, and that an adult relationships generally involved two people. Which meant that the only one who could actually confirm or deny his fears was Steve, not any of their friends or Tony's own internal monologue. They needed to talk about this, as soon as possible. He needed to find Steve and clear things up one way or another, no matter the consequences, and no dallying about it.

Which obviously was why he didn't get to it until the following evening.

He wasn't drunk as he wandered into the living room, thank God, because if he had been Steve probably would have dismissed anything he said and carried him to bed without any filthy motives like the perfect gentleman that he was. There might have been too much caffeine and too little sleep involved, but then that was more or less required for him to talk about his feelings outside an inebriated state, that or a battle-induced adrenaline rush and he frankly doubted Steve would have appreciated a heart-to-heart over the comms during a mission. The man could be so picky sometimes.

So, he wasn't drunk, but he was definitely enjoying his fresh caffeine buzz in the way that always hinted at utter exhaustion to follow once he ran out of the artificial energy. This was all the excuse he needed to drop on the couch next to Steve and promptly drape himself over his lap. Steve had the best lap, and he wasn't even thinking about anything particularly filthy. Well. He hadn't been, at least. That was fine, he could totally do a serious talk even with filthy thoughts in the back of his mind. He was very accomplished at that.

"So, Steve." There was a small sound, and he might have thought the man hadn't even noticed him if it hadn't been for the hand absently carding through his hair. And seriously, who did that? Steve was absolutely going to be the death of him with all this tender displays of affection stuff. "I think we need to talk."

"Oh?" That finally got him an actual response, though Steve still didn't take his eyes away from the TV screen. He was watching some kind of an old movie, and good heavens, it was black and white. Clearly Tony had been negligent in his introduction to the delights of the modern era. That or Steve enjoyed all his old man quips and was doing his best to earn some more of them. "And is this the kind of talk that media informs me is always bad?"

"I don't know." And for once that was a genuine statement. "I mean, I guess it depends on what you say. Which I'm aware isn't much of a clarification, but it's the best I can offer right now, and, fuck." He drew a deep breath. Focus, Tony, as much as you can. "We're dating, right?"

"I've certainly been under that impression." There was a weird tone to Steve's voice, as though he wasn't sure whether he should be amused or worried. Tony wasn't exactly blaming him. "Any particular reason you're bringing this up?"

"Just… I don't know what the fuck I'm doing." There. He'd said it. He'd said it out loud and couldn't take it back even if Steve did look at him a bit weird. "With this dating thing, I mean. Besides, you know, the part where we're going on dates. I like that part." He paused, trying to force the twin forces of caffeine and anxiety aside for long enough to form some coherent point. "Also I like the sex." Well. It was a point, at least.

"Right." Steve hummed softly, his hand still moving through Tony's hair, and fuck, how could he do that, acting all like Tony was something precious and important that had to be handled with care? "And I take there is a problem with this?"

"Well, yeah. I don't like not knowing things. Sure, I'm good at improvising, but past experiences have shown that my improvisations do not serve me well in the field of romantic relationships. Or any kind of relationships, really, I'm just damn lucky Pepper and Rhodey are stupid enough to put up with my sorry ass on a friends only basis. So I'm kind of worried because there's this thing I kind of really like and sooner or later I'm going to fuck it up."

"You haven't so far."

"But I'm going to." How was that not obvious? "Sooner or later you'll decide I'm too high maintenance, or too difficult to deal with, or I can't give you what you need or want because I'm old and broken and have issues."

"What do you want me to say here, Tony?" Steve's smile had finally faded away, a serious look on his face. "Because if you want me to tell you that yes, I'm going to leave you any day now, you're going to be disappointed. I have no intention of going anywhere."

"I told you, I don't know." Tony sighed. "Fuck, I can't do these things, Steve. If I knew how to handle this kind of thing my life would have been very different."

"May I make a suggestion, then?" As Tony was quiet, Steve continued. "Tell me all those things you are sure will ruin this. Then I can tell you how there is no chance I'm going to break up with you over something like that."

Tony snorted. "I like how you have already decided the outcome."

"And why not? I meant it, Tony. I have no intention of going anywhere."

"Even though I am workaholic, alcoholic, and have self-destructive tendencies?" Well, best get those out first. It wasn't like Steve didn't know all of it already.

"I work with you, Tony. I would have never had that first date with you if I wasn't willing to deal with those." Steve shook his head. "Besides, you haven't been drinking nearly as much lately."

"Not the point, Steve." For all that it was true. He had been cutting back on the drinking, not entirely but some, enough so that Pepper had taken notice. He was still afraid to mention it aloud, himself, in case he jinxed it and ended up in the bottom of a bottle all over again. "Also, I'm a bastard. I'm not a nice person, you know that. I don't expect that to change just because we are in a relationship."

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm not exactly a nice guy all the time, either." Steve gave him another smile, though it was a slightly rueful one. "I've said the worst possible things to you more than once, and I can't guarantee I won't do the same the next time we fight. And make no mistake, we are going to fight, because our personalities aren't exactly the best match around. But if you can put up with that, and all my various personality flaws, I'm more than willing to deal with yours."

"That's not all of it, though."

"I kind of figured." Steve's hand stilled in his hair, just for a second, then continued the soothing motion. "You wouldn't have started this talk just to hear me announce that yes, I still like you even despite all these terrible things that I already knew about."

Well. Time for the big ones, then. "I'm not ready to bond." Tony sighed, running a hand over his face. "I know you're into commitment and shit like that, and that, I can do that. I can be a one alpha guy, I did that with Pepper, I can totally do it, Steve." And he had, without a fault. For all his other failings, and for all that Pepper was genuinely better off without him, he had never cheated on her. "But, not bonding. I can't do that now. And I can't promise you that answer's going to change. I mean, I could tell you I'll be ready for it eventually, that in a year or two I'll be fine with the idea, but frankly there's a good chance I'll hit menopause before I get over my hang-ups. So, you know. No guarantees there."

"I know." Steve nodded, as though it was that simple. "And I don't mind."

"How can you not?" Yes, he was asking for trouble, but then he'd never been good at resisting that kind of thing. "You're an alpha. How could you not want to bond with your omega?"

"Don't take me wrong, I'm not saying I don't want to bond with you. If you wanted that, I'd be ecstatic. But… well. I don't know if every alpha really wants that, but then, I never was like all the others." Steve's lips twitched. "You're read my file, Tony, you should know this. I grew up as a beta."

"Oh." Tony blinked. Well, that made sense. He supposed.

"Until the serum, I never even thought I'd have the chance of bonding with someone." Steve shook his head. "I thought the best I could hope for was finding some nice beta girl to marry and settle down with. And then suddenly I was an alpha, and I could have an omega if I wanted to, too. Well, technically I could have before, it wasn't illegal for beta men to pair with omegas, but it was somewhat frowned upon, still."

"Was there anyone you would have wanted to… well. Bond with?"

"There were one or two people I wouldn't have minded marrying. Bonding, no, but that's because I couldn't have. Not that I could marry them, either, not back then." At Tony's questioning look, Steve's expression turned softer. "Peggy was an alpha."

"Wait, what?" Okay, so that was a surprise. "You were into alphas?"

"Only one or two, and I never let anyone know. Well, I flirted with Peggy, I think I did at least, but the few people who knew looked the other way. But even so, even after I became an alpha I never dreamed of bonding, not with someone I truly wanted."

Tony swallowed. "Sorry to say, but that doesn't exactly sound good to me."

"I don't mean that I wouldn't want you, Tony. Just that I don't think that's a requirement for us to be happy together, because before you I never found anyone I would have wanted to bond with." Steve's other hand came to rest on Tony's chest, just short of touching the arc reactor. "I know you have your reasons for not wanting to bond, and it's not because you don't want to be with me for a long time. I do hope that one day I can convince you to trust me enough to consider it, but even if that never happens, I'll be quite happy to share my life with you as we are."

Tony snorted. "Trust you to make a talk about not bonding all sappy and sweet."

"I do my best." Steve chuckled, his hands on Tony vibrating with the motion. "So, what else is there?"

"I can't give you kids." And that was one of the worst, the thing that seemed wrong even to Tony. Steve would have been such a perfect father, it was so easy to see him with a couple of brats running around and climbing on him, with blue eyes and blond hair and the most brilliant smiles. He knew that was something he couldn't offer Steve, though, shouldn't do so even if he had felt some inclination to. "I mean, there's the obvious things, like how I'd be a terrible father and probably get the kid killed right away, assuming I could get through a pregnancy without tossing myself at an alien spaceship or something. My age, too, I'm not exactly a spring chicken anymore. Even assuming I managed to conceive there'd be all kinds of risks there that I'm not willing to take for either myself or the child, and if that makes me selfish then so be it. And the arc reactor and the shrapnel, god, who knows what'd happen with those if my insides started rearranging themselves, that'd be a fucking horror show, I can't —"

There was a finger on his lips, just the barest touch. "You're rambling, Tony." Steve waited for him to draw a deep breath and fall silent before he spoke. "Actually, I agree. Not about you being a terrible father, I'm sure you'd be excellent at it if you tried, but about the rest of it. Our lives are dangerous, and your age and health wouldn't allow for a safe pregnancy anyway. I'd never be willing to risk you like that. And besides…" Steve sighed. "I don't want kids."

This time Tony couldn't even voice his surprise, simply staring up at Steve.

"We don't know how much the serum changed." Steve didn't look at him, now, his gaze locked somewhere far away. "As long as there's even the slightest chance that my old genes might resurface, I don't want children. I know modern medicine is light years ahead of the old days, and I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to put enough food on the table like my poor mom, but I still don't want to take the risk of my child having to suffer through the same things I did. So, even though I'm not entirely closing out the possibility of wanting children — not now, but maybe some day, if our lives ever calm down a bit — I would prefer adoption either way."

"Right." Tony swallowed again. "I… can't promise I'd be up for that, either. Adoption, that is. I meant it when I said I'd be a terrible father."

"And I told you I don't think you would be. But regardless, even if you never want children, that's not going to make me leave you, either. Again, if you change your mind I'll be delighted, but the most important thing for me is being with you."

"Fuck. How'd you get to be so bloody perfect?" Tony sighed. "I mean, seriously. I'd think you're a gold digger, but not even my vast fortune would be worth putting up with all my flaws and insecurities."

"You're not the only one with insecurities, Tony." Steve's hand slid slowly up to cover the arc reactor. Had it been anyone else, Tony would have felt anxious, but with Steve, he knew he was safe. "Hell, there's people out there who wouldn't think I'm an actual alpha if they knew my background. I know that doesn't matter to me, but I still sometimes worry about not being good enough for you."

Tony couldn't help but snort. "Yes, because Steve Rogers isn't alpha enough for me." He reached up a hand to hook it behind Steve's neck. "Say, would you growl for me?"

"Huh?" Steve blinked.

"You know, getting all protective and possessive and such, if I got hurt or if someone flirted with me or whatever. I know the instinct's strongest for bonded couples, but all alphas feel it to an extent, right? So, would you growl for me?"

"Uh. That is." And oh God, was Steve actually blushing? "You know that time you hurt your wrist while sparring a week or so ago?"

"Yeah? And it was only a sprain, by the way, totally not worth all the fuss, you'd have thought I was trying to operate a blowtorch with my teeth for how you all were going on about my not being allowed in the workshop."

"Yes, well, you do regularly work with tools where a small slip might lead to horrible injuries." Steve took his hand from Tony's chest to run it through his own hair. "Anyway, I… I may have yelled at Thor over it."

This time it was Tony who blinked. "But… Thor wasn't even there."

"No, he wasn't. He came in after Bruce took you off to have a look at the injury, and I yelled at him for, well, for no good reason at all. Thankfully he wasn't too offended once Clint explained to him what happened." Steve gave him a faint chuckle. "Apparently Thor understands the feeling of worrying for someone important."

"Okay, that's just hilarious. Also, hot. And a bit crazy, maybe, but mostly hilarious." Tony grinned. "My mate growled at a god for me. How many people can actually say that?"

Steve chuckled. "At least the Hulk wasn't there. God knows how that would have ended. And no, I am not referring to Thor."

"You know, I sometimes almost forget you have a sense of humor."

"Of course I do. You think I'd survive with this team otherwise?" Steve's smile softened but didn't fade. "So. Any other reasons why I'm going to inevitably be an idiot and leave you?"

"Ah." He didn't hesitate, Tony Stark never hesitated, he was just gathering his thoughts, that was all. "To be honest, I didn't really expect to make it this far. Thought you'd have called it off by now."

"Oh, Tony." Steve sighed. "I didn't agree to date you because I want a bondmate, or children, or any of that. If that was all I was after, I'm sure there'd be plenty of eager candidates out there. I want you, though, sharp tongue and sharper mind and all. I'd still want you even if you weren't an omega at all, and I'm sure I would have even back when I was a beta. Not that you would have looked at me twice back then."

"I'd say I doubt that, but, yeah, I can be a bit shallow about first impressions." Tony sat up at last, maneuvering himself into a good position to lean in for a kiss. "Now, though, I think I'd still want you even if you turned back into your scrawny old beta self."

Steve chuckled into the kiss, his arms reaching around Tony. "I thought you liked my being all alpha?"

"Oh, I do. But I bet you still would have growled at Thor even if you weren't big and strong. Which should make me worried about your lack of judgment, but frankly, that's even hotter."

Steve's only answer was a small growl deep in his throat as he drew Tony closer. They barely made it to the bedroom, Steve carrying Tony as though he didn't weigh anything.

The next morning he'd find evidence of Steve's presence in more places than just the pillow.

Tony was one lucky bastard.


End file.
